April 25, 2003

Yesterday's Girl

After our encounter, it's hard to tell you long-winded stories about how I feel for you. From the moment I saw you three years ago, you took my breath away. And no matter what anyone else said, I always believed there was something there, hidden like diamonds in a coal mine, that I would unearth and claim as mine. A few months ago, I felt like I received a glimpse of that angelic feel; but maybe it was premature. Maybe it was me thinking in a state of delusion.

Two weeks ago, I told you how I felt in a moment of idiocy. And it wasn't meant to be, somehow and someway. The time wasn't right, the place was wrong and the atmosphere reeked of inadequacy. But I ventured forth hoping for a miracle, one that wasn't meant to occur.

And seeing you tonight, dressed up in silver like an ornament, gave me warnings of a lost winter. It's almost as if I went into hibernation and woke up in the spring, missing you totally, even fatally. It's kind of sad, definitely brutal and evermore disappointing.

So, I sit here, wondering the words I would say to you, in one concise sentence, that would convey to you everything that I feel for you, the urges I get and the maddening sequences of heartbreak that tear through my cranial landscape.

But I don't think I can say what I want to in that short a sentence. I feel at times that you may mean more than that to me, and I don't want to shortchange something so precious. A momentary glimpse from you breaks my heart, because you put me in a place where I can't respond. What I want to say to you, I've said right here. I have no regrets but the ones that evaporate with these words I speak.

You and I are simple; the complexity of our relationship is superficial. The terms we never agreed to are imaginary, and for that I will forever hold you in my thoughts.

« Becoming David Mamet / Something New / Something Old »

you had me at hello.

....
someone needs a huuuug!

*sniff* i love you man........i'm not gettin your budlight am i....?

Who. Cares.
I have a broke-ass heart right now. And I may just be bitter and jaded. But what the heck are you talking about? You ARE a youbgster, right? Well, JUST like my deranged pseudo-buddhist friend says, "Someday it will all be meaningless and clear. You'll see the true meaning and absurdity of it..."

What most people who read this don't understand is that much of what I wrote is overdramatized and overromanticized for the sake of effect. Man, I hope I'm a bit mature than to think that a crush is gonna take over my life. But sometimes, it's fun wondering how it would sound if I was to feel like that. I think it happened once, but I don't see it happening again soon. Might as well have fun w/ it.

Sometimes I worry about you, Rahat. It's kind of funny in an unsettling way -- I couldn't sleep because of heavy thoughts on my mind which fall into that category called "love life". Then I read this entry.

It's rather silly how much thinking and thought and care we put into something -- our "love life", our feelings -- that we cannot control.

Must try to stop thinking, but can't stand the uncertainty.

Nice writing. Romantic? Yeah, so what. Nobody's ever been harmed by a bit of romance. Sometimes I'm a bit of a sucker for that. Priya Patel (http://www.pomegranita.com) told me once that you like Murakami, and it shines just a tiny little bit through your writing. Nice.
:-m

you need a girlfriend.

Anonymous Canucks giving me relationship advice. W00t.