July 18, 2003

Life in a Box

I think it happened yesterday, or maybe it was two days ago. I forget. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is that it happened. I met up with her, we exchanged bodily fluids, and now I’m pretty much confused about what to do with the rest of my life.

It’s as if I’ve lived my whole life in this daze, this short-term goal where all I wanted, all I have ever dreamed of is one night with her. It’s ridiculous, and I doubt any of you will forgive me for such idiocy, but it’s exactly what happened. Everything I have ever done was so that my life could culminate to this point.

But yeah, I have probably a good forty years left in me still. What do I do now?

I’m not sure where things went wrong. When I was eight or nine, I had aspirations of becoming an astronaut, a doctor. By fourteen, I thought I was a smartass and figured being a plastic surgeon would be the way to go. But ever since the day I found myself falling for her, all that I ever wanted to achieve in life went by the wayside. And now, that I’ve somehow reached my goal, my life has become a bottomless pit of boredom.

I guess what I find myself asking now is, “Was she worth it?” I don't really know. I mean, it’s over. There is no “us” from now on. In fact, there really never was. All this makes me feel so sad. Empty.

“There’s a lesson in this, kids.” That’s what I’ll tell some punk after I spit out this story to him twenty years from now. I’ll be the sage, wise man who’s had experience in heartbreak and blind love. Maybe I’ll be a motivational speaker. Maybe I’ll become a therapist. Maybe I’ll wake up one day and find myself in heaven, dead and finally content. Yeah.

« Untitled / 001 / Checks and Balances »

The part that is similar to THE CRYING GAME is missing from this post.

No. You'll meet another girl. She'll make you forget all the sadness. Years from now when a buddy asks you about what's-her-name, you'll simply reply, "Who?"

(Go out and get drunk just in case though.)

oh man, is she indian or not?

?

i hope this was somewhat fictional- rejecting the goals which you've strived so hard to achieve for some punani is ridiculous. but on a lighter note- was she good? was she desi? both??

Last time I checked, this wasn't a journal. Don't believe everything you read.

Damn. You mean all this time me believing you were some poor guy in NY trying desperately to get laid and failing continuously was just a misconception? DAMN!

<3

The ultra-poor guy in NY desperately trying to get laid and failing is not a misconception. Its reality for a young man who strives for a good bowl of Chinese food each day. But, the day a Koreanesi comes along with the ability to cook good food, beat him at CS, and share his enthusiasm for reading and film, will he become the most violent rabbit-style horndog.

<3

why are the comments gone from the main page?